I had a professor in college tell us to not should on ourselves. I just laughed and thought it was kind of funny.

I’ve thought a lot about that since then. And now I understand just how true this is.

I used to believe I should do a lot of things. I should be more patient with my kids. I should fix dinner. I should volunteer at the school. I should go to church. I should exercise.

All this shoulding makes me feel guilty and not enough. I believed if I didn’t do all I should do, then I was failing.

I now know that I was wrong. I don’t have to do anything I think I should do…

This may sound crazy and your brain might initially kick against this, but stay with me.  When you REALLY understand what agency is, you recognize you only need to do what you want to do.

I really don’t have to do all I think I should do. I could stop doing all the above. Really I could, but then I know results would follow. 

Results I know I don’t want.

So I don’t need to should on myself because you know what I want to do?

I want to be more patient with my kids.  I want to fix dinner for my family.  I want to be involved in the school and community.  I want to go to church.  I want to take care of my body.

Without the feeling of guilt or resentment.

And that feels very, very good.

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